When I was a junior doctor, like so many others, I found myself unexpectedly covered in bodily fluids. On one occasion whilst examining a three year old boy with pneumonia, I lent over him to examine his chest with a stethoscope, only to find him blowing his nose on my tie. Once we had both finished, and I stood up again, he looked at me and said: "I already ran out of tissues".
More recently I received a full frontal covering of vomit from a teenage patient of mine on a ketogenic diet - so that would be a few hundred ml of curdled dairy. The nurses all slowly exited the room, closely followed by a barrage of laughter down the corridor.
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